je ne veux pas quiconque lire ça

I have been writing and walking and thinking a lot and ive been thinking about how i want to grow as a person and i think that i need to stop being so angry naturally when im hurt and in pain i grow resentful of people etc but i often end up acting below my own moral standards and then i regret it and so ive decided to channel my emotion more so into walking and writing and working because people can still be held accountable without me getting angry and i hold onto my pain for so long and i need to let go and be more forgiving i think it would greatly benefit me and i should allow myself to grow away from the pain ive felt 

other peoples actions reflect so much more on them than they do on me and i have control over the way i behave and i seek so much solace in knowing that i was kind and gracious to someone even when they have hurt me and i always take it to heart when someone speaks about me on a moral basis or in terms of my kindness 

i was bitter, bitter because why do i owe someone kindness who isnt being respectful to me but thats the problem its not about owing anyone else anything other than maybe myself maybe also then i would be less eager to punish myself as a result of the way other people treat me actually maybe it makes it harder because then i think theyre treating me poorly because they dont think i myself am worth better not because they dislike my actions i dont know but either way i dont want to be angry anymore so im not and yeah

                                             also i do care and i am kind and i want to take care of everyone and be a good friend so yeah